This week’s Single Icon is the incomparable Eartha Kitt. Her answer to an interviewer’s question about compromising for a man is epic. It actually changed my life. Enjoy!

In this interview University of Toronto psychology professor Geoff MacDonald, a trailblazer in the field of Singlehood Studies, explores well-being and sexuality for people who choose to be single. The entire interview is fascinating but you can jump to 41:20 to dive right into the main question: “Are there really people that do not want romantic relationships?”

Live an elevated life on a single income. Explore strategies for beating the system.

I asked for a raise. He asked about my 401K and said I would be fine. I know how it looks: Single, childless, what’s she doing with all the money?

The story is that women don’t ask for raises. In fact, there’s a book by that name. But this is no longer true. A 2023 study shows that women are asking more.

Our upcoming issues go deeper into what is happening and what to do about it.

Have you asked for a raise? What happened? Comment “Raise” to share your story.

In this section we grab some popcorn, get lost in a true-life story, then get together and yak about it.

Each month we’ll post a documentary that is available on YouTube. On the final Sunday of the month we’ll meet for a gab fest where we’ll spill the tea and run our mouths to our hearts’ content about what we saw.

The movie is posted for everyone but the gab fest is especially for paid subscribers. Join our paid community to participate.

In my experience, equity and inclusion has tended to focus on race, gender, and socio-economic justice. My awaking about neuro-diversity and disability justice came only five years ago, I am very ashamed to say. Sadly, I am not alone.

In this month’s documentary, presented by the YouTube channel Only Human, neuro-diverse main characters Ben and Ellie go on heroic quests to find a job. Only, why should the quest be heroic?

Watch the documentary then prep your personal charcuterie board and join our virtual gathering. It’s like book club but for documentaries.

We will start the conversation with three prompts:

Subscribers will receive a Zoom link on the day before our party

It was August of the summer after my first year in college when I solemnly declared to my father that I wanted never to be married. It wasn’t about a bad break-up. I’d never dated. It was about autonomy, dignity, respect, and a little bit about being selfish.

I had spent the past year in college witnessing the creeping, the Sunday morning walks-of-shame, girlfriends skipping study-time to do boyfriends’ laundry, girlfriends writing boyfriends’ papers. Then the was the friend who got dumped after surrendering her virginity. That’s what it was in those days. Surrendering.

At the same time, I experienced the exquisite joy of studying in college — getting to choose my own classes and study whatever I wanted, and not be looked at funny when I geeked out about it. It was like being let loose in a Swedish candy store. My heart chose books over men. But my head . . .

I hadn’t read Virginia Wolf’s A Room of One’s Own but that painful tension, the social pressure to take on the burdens of wife and mother and sacrifice my desire to immerse myself in learning, loomed large for me. Unfortunately, I did not accurately anticipate how large.

Two months later I met my ex-husband.

I felt a sense of futility and frustration because I knew what was going to happen next. I had grown up often being the only Black person in White spaces. Anytime any Black man entered the mix (and there was always only one) everyone else assumed it was inevitable that we would get together. It was happening again.

Without permission to do otherwise I led myself to the altar. Deep sigh.

We married one month after graduation. It lasted ten years. The thrill I felt when I finally, finally chose my happiness over sacrifice on the altar of obedience and submission has carried me for eighteen years now.

I did date. Over the course of six years I tried, one and then another, each relationship shorter than the last until, at last, I stopped fighting to be “normal” and surrendered to what my inner being had been begging for all along. After the first three years un-partnered I tried again, for nine months, one last compulsive attempt to obey the world. I failed. Now I obey my soul.

What inspires you to live un-partnered? We’d love to hear from you. Comment “What had happened was” below to get instructions for how to share your story.

💀 Oppression continues for non-binary people. Adding insult to the already tragic list of injuries dealt by the current U.S. administration, this new rule puts non-binary travelers in fear for their ability to travel by air. nb: Delta still has the X option as of 30 October.

🤔 Q/A What actions can ordinary individuals take to help safeguard the rights and wellbeing of our trans and non-binary Wallflower Lifers? Comment below.

💃🏽 Twenty percent of adults in St. Louis are single! Of course we aren’t saying that you’re looking for romance but with a singles population that large we’d expect to see more services and amenities that cater to singles. Check out this list for the 10 best cities for singles in the United States ranked by population, affordability, social opportunities, and more.

💋 A potent kiss (allegedly) gets tennis player suspended for four years. An elite tennis player blamed a kiss for his positive meth test. He’s not the only one.

⛹🏽‍♀️ WNBA’s gonna show them the money? Speaking of women demanding more, salary negotiations are underway for the WNBA. According to the AP current WNBA salaries range from $66,079 to $249,244 with a cap of $1,507,100 per team.

🌍 Ivory Coast could beat the USA to electing its first woman president. Controversial former first lady Simone Gbagbo has launched her own campaign after divorcing her husband in 2023. Though her challenge is considered a long-shot, were she to win she would become the seventh woman to serve as president of an African country. USA USA USA! 👀

Right now I’m feeling ecstatic about producing the first issue of this newsletter. What happens when the novelty wears off and publishing becomes a job?

Consistency is the most crucial element in any recipe for success. What can you do to produce consistently?

From YouTube channel SpoonFedStudy comes the Task Impact Energy system that makes consistency easy by taking your biology into account!

I get being skeptical about yet another productivity hack but I’m trying it out for the month of November. Watch the video and let us know: does it work for you?

Watch the video then swipe our free digital tool that will help you put the system into practice. Find the link below.

Conventional wisdom says if a woman is un-partnered and not looking for a man she must either be a lesbian or sad, bitter, and pitiful. A Wallflower. Wallflower Life says, wrong! Maybe she just loves her freedom. That’s what Wallflower Life is all about.